instantly, a force illuminated my entire twelve by seven foot room. incoherently, i raised my head to figure out what it was. was it a spotlight from an officer on duty? hunters shining for deer? a message from god? no. it was just my roommate. she had finally decided that her dorm was the appropriate place for her to stay at night. i guess she ran out of boys that were in dire need of a girl with personality of the magnitude of hers. which, in reality, is equivalent to a model pumped full of cocaine and morphine. i guess there isnâ€™t much demand for such a thing.
just when i thought her potential was going to waste, i heard a comforting masculine voice with the vocabulary of a freshman in high school. i had feared for her wellbeing, for a brief second. such a relief. this comfort soon subsided when i rolled over in my luxurious twin sized loft bed. i blinked hard. if it hadnâ€™t been for the light that she so thoughtfully put on for me, i would have only seen a blur. my contacts from the day prior were sticking to my eyes like leeches to a wound. ahead of me, all i saw was large red digital numbers. and they mocked me with all of their might. three:oâ€™one. it was three:oâ€™one. had i missed all of my classes? how could it have been so late?? oh wait, no. it was three:oâ€™one a.m. ante meridiem. after midnight. before noon. it was no longer late. it was three:oâ€™one a.m. it was early. it was so fucking early that i could smell the happy little housewife across the street brewing a pot of coffee and cracking eggs for her business executive husbandâ€™s breakfast. but that was an entirely different world. her three:oâ€™one was not the same as my three:oâ€™one. because, it suddenly changed to three:oâ€™two.
for the next two hours, i was elated by the fact that i would be able to learn about my roommateâ€™s life story, once againâ€¦for probably about the third or fifth time. her parents are in their fiftyâ€™s. to be more exact, her mother is fifty one, her father fifty six. she values tradition greatly, and she is pentecostal. she doesnâ€™t attend church, pray, act spiritual in any wayâ€¦but she has never cut her hair or pierced her ears. so that makes her pentecostal. sheâ€™s an honors student. honors calculus, and classic problems in epistemology. these are a small portion of her eighteen advanced credits. She is currently maintaining her four point three GPA average, AND she also is working three strenuous jobs. one requires her to make copies of notes that she takes in one of her courses, for a deaf student. another is to supervise children in a dance course. and the other job? sheâ€™s not even sure. but she has three. mark my words. mark them on my gave. oh, and last but not least, in one day, it will be four months until her birthday. this calls for a celebration. so i mustered up all of my remaining strength, and pulled the pillow over my head.
silence ensued the virtual spoken slideshow of her life. having met this point in their relationship, the two decided that it would be favorable to make out. loudly. it reminded me of my first trip to old country buffet. i dared to try their lasagna casserole. hesitant at first, i gathered all of my courage. and when i finally dug into the dish with the oversized serving spoon, ensued an indescribable repulsive noise. it gave me chills down my spine to hear that sound again. i craved rolaids.
this continued on, in between random lines of conversation and the occasional breath. at some moments, i heard her try to mutter something out while they were hard at work. she was wasting no time at getting to know this boy. she meant business.
the time passed, minute by grueling minute. but on a lighter note, my contacts no longer clung to my eyes for dear life. i was crying. but naturally, they were tears of joy, because the lights had finally been shut off. yet, she had left the bathroom door wide open, as well as leaving that light on. conveniently it shines mostly onto my side of the room. sheâ€™s so thoughtful. after all, loft beds are dangerous in the dark. she may have just prevented my demise. God bless her soul.
Grumblings and revelations from a true original.
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