History Repeating Itself

You watched it; you can't un-watch it.
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Jeff
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History Repeating Itself

Postby Jeff » 2004.06.26 11:07 am

Every time I see an Enzyte commercial, I can't help but notice the small print towards the end:

*These statements have not been reviewed by the Food and Drug Administration, and individual results may vary. Enzyte is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.


So basically, there's no difference between these people and the old "barkers" of the late 19th and early 20th centuries that sold miracle cures that really didn't do a damn thing.

Read or watch "The Road to Wellville to get a good example, or check out this site: http://theoldentimes.com/green_mt_cathartic.html
Last edited by Jeff on 2004.09.22 2:57 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby DoomCraft » 2004.06.29 6:32 pm

I'm thinking about coming out with a pill that solves everyone problems... that one will be blue. Also i'm going to have another one that just kills you... that one will be red.

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Postby Jeff » 2004.07.05 2:39 pm

I really wanna do that Balopec ad for PTV. It's got potential.

The idea is Balopec (an anagram for placebo) can solve all of your problems. Got a headache? Dry, red skin? Cramps? Tired of needing glasses? Wish you could run faster? Car won't start? Need to lose weight? Need to bulk up? Can't get good reception on your phone? Burn your dinner? Need more friends? Balopec can help.

I wanna parody every damn "miracle pill" commercial I see on TV. So let's brainstorm! I need more symptoms like those listed above; any problem that a pill couldn't normally solve. I also need some really off-the-wall side-effects, like oily discharge, hallucination, heart palpitations, rapid weight loss, rapid weight gain, etc.

This could be good.
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Postby DoomCraft » 2004.07.05 4:44 pm

Well for starters some of the side effects could include:

3rd degree burns, Sack displacement, Worms, Orange pigmentation of the scalp, Uknown anal juice extractions, Hernia, Genital shrinkage, Genital enlargment, Genital removal, and horrible constipation.

Some rare cases may include auto yoaning.

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Postby Hüva » 2004.07.05 5:53 pm

lolz, i think that's an awesome idea jeff!...i really dont think that scripting some of the ptv sketches is a bad idea, if this is the kind of thing you guys come up with...

DoucheCraft wrote:Well for starters some of the side effects could include:

3rd degree burns, Sack displacement, Worms, Orange pigmentation of the scalp, Uknown anal juice extractions, Hernia, Genital shrinkage, Genital enlargment, Genital removal, and horrible constipation.

Some rare cases may include auto yoaning.

and those are all really good suggestions dave...it must be nice to be able to draw from one's own experiences like that...sounds like it was a rough weekend tho...
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Postby Kage » 2004.07.05 9:54 pm

I wanna parody every damn "miracle pill" commercial I see on TV. So let's brainstorm! I need more symptoms like those listed above; any problem that a pill couldn't normally solve. I also need some really off-the-wall side-effects, like oily discharge, hallucination, heart palpitations, rapid weight loss, rapid weight gain, etc.


radium would be grown on your corneas and you'd have to scrape it off periodically with a lead spoon.


Damn Jeff, you are always thinking ahead.

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Postby Jeff » 2004.07.15 5:38 pm

I got a kick out of the fact that during the 70's, women could buy pills at JC Penney that contained live tapeworm larve. This was supposed to be a weight loss solution. I wonder if it came with instructions on how to pull the suckers out? :)
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Postby Red » 2004.07.15 7:06 pm

Holy shit, that's horrible.
I'd piss Coors if I could. You believe that happy crappy?

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Postby Jeff » 2004.09.22 12:23 pm

Horrible, but slimming.
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Postby peteyboy » 2004.09.22 2:26 pm

Where can I get some? (besides Mexico)

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Postby Jeff » 2004.09.22 2:56 pm

I think they throw them out at vet's offices.
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Postby tigers_free » 2004.09.23 10:49 am

I would not be suprised if some people are still using that as a "lowtech" way to lose weight.Some people are still living in the 'before darwin and before pasteur age"..although parasites are good way to lose weight I hear it's hard get rid of them and the treatment is complicated..don't know for sure though, I'm a little hazy on the subject.

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Postby JFM » 2004.10.25 9:36 pm

Im gonna start selling tapeworms to people who are pro-anni. It would be the best marketing strategy of the century.

Pro-annis dont care about the cost of beauty or there health for that matter, so they really wouldnt care if some worms were just sitting around in their bodies.

The only worms i that ever had entered my body was at devils lake, they layed eggs all inside my body. Which caused red bumps to grow all over my body. I think i used some kind of cream for about a week.
Amputate a man's leg and he can still feel it tickling. Tell me mum, when your little girl is on the slab, where will it tickle you?
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Postby Jeff » 2004.10.25 9:40 pm

oooh, swimmer's itch. glad i missed that in all my trips there.
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